Blood, Sweat, Tears (and Gratitude)

I was watching the documentary that Ricki Lake made, called The Business of Giving Birth tonight. Those of you with Netflix can watch it instantly here:

http://www.netflix.com/WatchNowPlayer?movieid=70075502&trkid=228971

Anyway, it's all about homebirth and midwifery and it really brought back memories of Rory's birth. For those who don't know, my son was born at home after a 30+ hour posterior (or as my midwife called it "sunny side up"), natural, labor. I've never written the birth story before, and in a way I regret that; because now, eight years later, I'm sure there are small details that I will miss. But I think it's important to record.

On April 20th, after having sporadic contractions the night before that left me very tired and more than a little scared, I called my midwife, Linda Honey and told her that I was afraid. I was afraid that the contractions would deprive me of sleep and leave me exhausted...which would result in fatigue requiring transport when I went into full labor. She advised me to take a nap and then come to her house after Rob got off of work. She would make me a castor-oil smoothie which would help speed up my entry into labor. I managed to catch a few restless hours in a recliner at Oakland-Pontiac Airport where Rob was working at the time (and also where Rory was conceieved...but that's a story for another day) and when his shift ended, we headed towards Lindas. She gave me a smoothie and a once-over, and declared that I was progressing nicely and would most likely be in full labor by that evening. Rob and I went home to prepare. I put on a yellow, embroidered cotton nightgown that I'd purchased for just this moment and Rob put the "welcome outfit" for Rory into a paper bag, then into the oven on low heat. My contractions were steadily increasing and after a length of time (not sure how long) Rob called our birth team to come over.

That evening, Linda Honey (Rory's midwife), Beth Bailey Barbeau (my midwife, who was also pregnant with her first child at this time), Nissa & Diane (their apprentices), Renee (my support person), Rob (my partner) and some massage therapist-lady whose name I don't remember gathered in my living room sharing crudites and crackers and occasionally watching me have a contraction on our couch. I remember trying to convince Linda that Rory was posterior, but she kept saying "no....you're not in enough pain for it to be back labor." I was in a considerable amount of pain, I won't minimize it. But to be honest, I think that I was too naive to understand how badly it hurt. Every single contraction, I would think to myself "that hurt, but it wasn't so bad. The next one will be worse." I would look at the birthing altar that Rob and I had set up over the course of my pregnancy and brace myself for the next, "worse" contraction. The birth altar was a small endtable, covered in a soft, green recieving blanket for an altar cloth. My black Nile Goddess was in the center, with a pair of yellow crocheted baby booties from my grandmother in front of them. I had my birth art (done over the course of reading "Birthing From Within"...a book that talked me off a ledge many times during pregnancy) on the wall above it, along with a bumper sticker that said "Men Who Change Diapers, Change the World." The altar also had small charms, including a tiny jade heart, on it.

It became evident that while my time on the couch was relieving my back pain, it wasn't doing anything to progress my labor. Linda and Beth decided to put my in a warm shower with Rob. We were living in a cheap, one-bedroom apartment at the time and I knew that there would only be enough hot water for ONE shower over the course of my labor...so it was important to time it right! After the shower, which felt amazing and worked wonders to ease my pain, they had me squat in the bathroom. At one point it was suggested that putting me on the toilet might encourage me to push...I wasn't a fan of this idea (LOL!) and we went into our bedroom, where the birth kit supplies were assembled. I had purchased new sheets for the delivery: pink, white and yellow plaid to match my yellow nightgown. I was too modest to birth in the nude and ended up keeping my nightgown on the entire time. I still have it and wear it under my ritual garb when I work magick- it's imbued with energy from the strongest, most emotional moments of my life. I laid down in the bed and progressed quickly into transition.

I was really, really, tired. I would literally fall asleep in between each contraction, wake up long enough to push a bit, and then go back to sleep. Eventually, I got the hang of pushing. I'd been pushing from the top of my stomach/diaphragm the whole time...which I think is what made things take so long. As soon as I realized it was more like (forgive me!) pooping out a baby, things moved faster. Someone asked me if I wanted Renee in the room to take pictures. I said no, but Beth knew me better than that. She knew that Renee's JOB was to take pictures for me- that was what I'd said for 9 months! So, Renee quietly entered and sat at the foot of my bed, while Beth was on my right and Rob on my left. Linda and Nissa quietly attended to what was happening below the belt. :-) Transition, which Linda also called (accurately!!) the "Ring of Fire" was the hardest part of labor- THAT was the "worse pain" I'd been waiting for, and it tooke evertything I could to move to a place beyond the physical and work my son into this world. Beth kept encouraging me to reach down and feel his head crowning. At one point, she took my hand and guided it down to where his skull was beginning to emerge. I shrieked and pulled away as if I were burned: at that moment, the LAST thing I wanted was to be reminded of just how big the baby and how small the exit was!

Rory was born at 3:17 a.m. We had a sound machine on at the time set to a heartbeat effect. When he emerged, he was crying in rythym with the heartbeat...a natural drummer from his first moments. Rob wept openly, but was scared to get too close, too fast. He had lost several siblings at or near birth and was reluctant to get attached without knowing his son would be okay. Rory had a bit of a hiccup in his cry, but a few minutes with the oxygen tank and it went away. His cord was cut and all of his initial apgar scoring/cleaning/dressing/etc. was done right on my stomach. Renee took beautiful photographs, including one of Rory making a face we call "the lip" that became familiar to us as he grew older. The face he made whenever he was displeased or grouchy was present from his first moments after birth! Obviously, he was NOT happy to be removed from his warm, cozy womb, LOL.

This was the exact birth I'd wanted. After a nightmarish experience with an Obstetrician that would fit perfectly in a horror movie, homebirth was the only option I considered. I am sooooo grateful to have had the choice to decide what was best for me. For my baby. So many women don't have that- either because of the laws in their area or because they aren't given the information necessary to different choices. I am so blessed to remember my birth as peaceful and loving and empowering and safe. I would never do it differently. In fact, Rob and I have been trying (unsuccessfully) to concieve for three years now, and the only birth I would ever have is another homebirth. I am truly grateful to the women who have continued on the ancient practices of woman and child-centered care. And I am thankful to Ricki Lake for making this documentary, showing others the blessings that I recieved. The American Medical Association is pissed though, and is threatening to promote legislation discouraging (or perhaps even banning) the practice of homebirth. CHOICE doesn't just mean the decision to have a baby...it also means choosing where, when and with who. And no one should be allowed to take that away from me- or anyone. If homebirth were every truly banned, I don't know what I'd do. Not that I'm in the position of needing to decide right now. So thanks, Ricki, and thanks to all of the other famous homebirthers...doing their part to normalize the practice of birth in America. My birth- the day Rory was born- is the most pivotal moment of my adult life. I am so grateful.

Other famous homebirthers:

- Laila Ali
- Pamela Anderson
- John C. McGinley's (Dr. Cox on Scrubs) wife
- Charlotte Church
- Lisa Bonet
- Josie Maran
- Kelley Martin
- Dave Matthew's wife
- Ani DiFranco
- Joely Fisher
- Demi Moore
- Kelly Preston
- Erykah Badu
- Asia Carrera
- Morgan Spurlock's Wife
- Ricky Lake
- ME!! (I'm am an author after all!)