Still here?
Anyway...
I think I've officially hit a wall.
I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, overburdened and generally down in the dumps. Here's my 2-minute pity party:
1) LP had to have emergency surgery on Monday, to repair his dialysis catheter, which cracked so close to his skin that they could not repair it. So, I started out by losing 3 days of work to take be with him. And while I might not be doing much at the hospital, believe me when I say that it is FAR from restful or relaxing. :-P
2) Thanks to my 3 day delay, I had to try and cram a weeks worth of work into the past 2 days at the office. I've hit the ground running every morning and pretty much don't stop until the end of the day or longer.
3) The Dancing Queen told us tonight that she needs $400 for costume deposits (that's right....just the DEPOSIT) by October 10th. I don't have and I won't have it. That's like a car payment or two (depending upon your financing) and she truly can't understand why it's a big deal. She's so angry and resentful right now. Because you know, I need more stress in my life.
4) I'm working tomorrow. THEN going to the Bunny House to work. THEN spending Sunday there as well. Good news: we're making progress! Bad news: I'm exhausted and won't have any time to rest before jumping right back into another work week.
5) I'm responsible for so many little details now. I feel like I'm jugging 17 million balls and that the world will implode if I drop one of them. LP's care, DQ's schedule, schooling & needs (to say nothing of wants), house renovation, SEVERAL projects at work. I am so overwhelmed right now. My usual brave face? Missing in Action.
I need a spa day. Forget that. I need like, a 3 day weekend somewhere that has no phones but lots of massage therapists. I need to reconnect with my life (the part that's mine...not the part that's momma/stepmomma/wife/volunteer/caretaker/employee/renovator/medical coordinator/etc/etc/etc). Frankly, there is no time in my day to be ME. To attend to MY needs. To remember that I do have a function as a human being separate from everyone else around me.
I'm just so tired.
Okay, I'm done now.
2 comments:
Hugs. You do need to get away, even for a couple hours by yourself somewhere. I know you can't really afford it but right now you can't afford NOT to take some time. Who will pick up the pieces if you fall down? Anyway, if you can sneak away for an evening I'll be good for coffee/snack/margarita, I'll come to you and drive too. I'm so worried about you right now. The only days that are not good for me are Fridays and the 1st Sunday of the month. Hugs.
I send you big, huge, bucket loads of love and strength. I pray that you will truly have a year that is better than last, that you will be a head and not a tail, that you and all of your family will be written in the Book for Life and Health and Joy and Love.
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